Abelard and Heloise: A Tragedy

by Lydia McMillan

Many couples come to mind when thinking about history’s greatest love stories. Paris and Helen of Troy, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, and John and Abigail Adams to name a few. However, the passionate affair of Abelard and Heloise is rarely mentioned. Contrary to the popular perception of Heloise and Abelard's story as an enchanting romance that defies societal constraints, a closer examination of their poignant letters reveals a narrative that unfolds as a profound and enduring tragedy. Their challenges were driven by societal limitations and religious opposition. showcasing how their intellectual and spiritual journeys converged, ultimately challenging the prevailing contradiction between faith and earthly desire during their time. By analyzing the intertwining of love and spirituality and examining the intellectual and cultural influences of their time, we gain a nuanced understanding of their relationship.

The story begins in 12th-century Paris. Heloise, a brilliant and educated young woman from a noble family, meets Abelard, an esteemed philosopher and theologian. Abelard is hired by Heloise’s uncle Fulbert as her tutor. Abelard's letter to a friend describes their meeting: "I saw her; I loved her; I resolved to endeavor to gain her affections…I thought of nothing but Heloise.”[1] As the pair spent countless hours in intense study and discussion, their intellectual bond blossomed into a passionate love affair. When the “town talk at last reached Fulbert’s ears” Fulbert separated the couple and they began meeting in secret. Heloise soon became pregnant and was sent by Abelard to live with his family in Brittany.[2] After giving birth to an illegitimate son, Abelard sought to sanctify their bond and legitimize their relationship through marriage.

According to Donald Ericson in his book titled Abelard and Heloise: Their Lives, Their Loves, and Their Letters, Heloise believed that the only benefit that would come from matrimony would be the satisfaction of Abelard’s “carnal passions.”[3] In what may be the most appalling quote contained in these letters, Heloise claims that she would rather be a mistress to Abelard than Empress to the Emperor of Rome, confessing she prefers the term “whore” over “wife.”[4] Heloise was keenly aware of the social consequences and challenges that marrying Abelard would entail. Clerical marriage was prohibited, and a public marriage would have drawn condemnation, however, Heloise was eager to “implement Abelard’s desires.”[5] She reluctantly accepted the proposal, and they were secretly married with only Heloise’s uncle Fulbert in attendance along with a few servants.

The societal and religious constraints on Heloise and Abelard manifested in various ways. Their love was seen as scandalous and immoral, challenging the established social order and defying the expectations placed upon them. Their secret marriage was an act of rebellion against societal and religious norms. Medieval society imposed strict codes of conduct, particularly regarding matters of love and marriage. Heloise, as a young woman, was expected to conform to the prescribed roles and duties assigned to her by her family and society. Marriages were often arranged for strategic alliances or financial gain, emphasizing social status and lineage rather than individual desires. In his book titled The Nature of Love 2: Courtly and Romantic, Irving Singer writes about the ideas of love in Medieval Paris: “Paris defined the attitude towards love as inherently illicit, furtive, and idolatrous” claiming that pursuing love at the time ran counter to societal and religious standards.[6] Heloise's pursuit of a love outside these predetermined boundaries was seen as a direct challenge to these societal norms and infuriated her uncle.

To the couple’s surprise, Fulbert never intended to keep quiet about the marriage and began to spread the news. He was “more interested in protecting his own reputation than in shielding Abelard’s career.”[7] Fulbert made life abundantly difficult for the pair and once Abelard discovered Fulbert’s physical abuse towards Heloise, he once again orchestrated an escape for his bride. Heloise fled to a nunnery where Abelard frequently visited her. In one of his later letters, he described their encounters as remorseful, yet passionate “where neither holy days nor the proximity of sacred images could deter him from venting his unbridled lust.”[8] Abelard's feelings towards Heloise were complex, encompassing both intense desire and a sense of moral conflict, calling her the “cause of all my guilt and all my joy.”[9] Once Fulbert discovered the whereabouts of his niece and her husband, he planned a vicious attack.

To punish Abelard for his crimes against the family, Fulbert hired a group of assailants to brutally attack him. The group castrated Abelard and left him to die. Paris was in an “uproar” the next few days and crowds gathered outside of Abelard’s residence.[10] Abelard wrote, “I suffered the most shameful punishment…I lost my manhood.”[11] The irrevocable damage forced the pair to confront the harsh constraints that society and religion had upon their relationship. Abelard “buried himself in the cloister” and urged Heloise to do the same.[12] Ericson claims that his retreat into monastic life was due to his ignominy and not because of his religious devotion. Likewise, Heloise chose the cloistered path for her love of a man, not for the love of God.[13] Both Abelard and Heloise willingly embraced a life of seclusion. In letter II Heloise wrote, “The unhappy consequences of our love and your disgrace have made me put on the habit of chastity.”[14] Their respective paths to monastic life represented a profound sacrifice, as they relinquished the possibility of a life together in order to seek redemption and spiritual solace.

Separated by circumstances, Heloise and Abelard continued their relationship the only way possible: through letters. Their communication revealed their passion for each other as well as their shared intellectual pursuits. The couples’ intense philosophical exchanges portray the nuanced nature of their relationship as a struggle between earthly desires and religious devotion. Heloise wrote: “I am the slave of human desire…what a monster am I.”[15] Likewise, Abelard wrote in letter IV how his guilt plagued his mind, “I am filled with horror when they present themselves to my imagination.”[16] However, the passion that once ignited their hearts remained alive, as evidenced by the ardency of their words and the nostalgic remembrance of their shared moments. Abelard states, “Heaven is still inexorable because my passion still lives in me,”[17] while Heloise exclaimed that a passion “rises unexpectantly from the bottom of my heart…which darkens my religion.”[18] The lingering embers of their relationship illuminated the profound depth of their connection, while simultaneously reminding them of the constraints and sacrifices demanded by their chosen path.

In the end, their monastic life became a bittersweet journey of reconciliation, seeking harmony between their lingering desires and their spiritual aspirations. The tension between passion and guilt remained an indelible part of their existence, serving as a poignant reminder of the complexities and contradictions inherent in the human experience. The love story of Heloise and Abelard, often romanticized and idealized, reveals itself to be a profound tragedy that transcends the boundaries of conventional narratives. Their nuanced feelings towards each other demonstrate the internal conflict they experienced, torn between passionate desire and the moral dilemmas imposed by societal and religious expectations. Their letters provide a window into the societal and religious limitations that constrained their relationship and ultimately led to their tragic fate. In what Heloise called a “doomed union,” their tragic love story serves as a poignant reminder of the enduring struggle faced by individuals who dare to challenge societal norms.[19]

[1] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 7.

[2] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 10.

[3] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 38.

[4] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 30.

[5] Mews, Constant J. 2008. The Lost Love Letters of Heloise and Abelard: Perceptions of Dialogue in

 Twelfth-Century France. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan. Pg. 95.

[6] Singer, Irving. 2009. The Nature of Love, Volume 2. MIT Press. Pg. 20.

[7] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 30.

[8] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 45.

[9] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 108.

[10] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 45.

[11] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 17.

[12] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 18.

[13] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 47.

[14] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 36.

[15] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 37.

^[16] Ericson, Donald E. 1990. Abelard and Heloise. New York, NY: Bennett-Edwards. Pg. 142.

[17] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 44.

[18] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 37.

[19] Abelard, Peter. 1925. The Letters of Abelard and Heloise. The University of Michigan. Pg. 36.